making plans.
Robbie Williams - Angels -- Gwyneth Paltrow
Having a headache for a week in a row is not fun.
I'd best get the melancholy drivel out of the way first, really, shouldn't I?
Well, me and my ex-boyfriend talked to eachother about things yesterday. I'd spent a day not speaking to him to give him some space, but we ended up arguing about things and he eventually shouted at me. 
People shouting at me frightens me, and I started crying. Later he said he was sorry for shouting at me, and he told me he felt really bad for doing it, but then we discussed things further and we both decided a great big part of the problem was the fact I still depend on him a lot. Using him as an emotional crutch isn't going to get either of us moving on, whether that means us getting back together, or going off and doing our own thing (the thought of which, right now, seems terribly painful.) So, since his Internet doesn't get set up in his new place till two weeks' time anyway, we've decided that a fortnight's break will do us good. In that time, I need to work on making myself more self-sufficient. If something bad comes up, I work on it MYSELF - I'm even gonna try not to consult my friends when times get tough - I rely too much on other people, and the moment Mike's back on the scene in two weeks' time if I've spent those two weeks leaning on my friends, I'm just gonna cling back to him at the end of it. So, this is it - two weeks, and in those two weeks I am going to become strong and independent. 
I didn't like the idea particularly at first, but then I thought to myself: I've been trying to do this for months - here's my chance. I don't like feeling like without him by my side I'm helpless. I don't like knowing that I pressurise him so much just by depending on him like this. It's fair to both of us that I get out there and see a bit more of the world - by myself.
He says, in his own words, "You're remarkably mature for your age in many ways, but you need to grow up a little emotionally." I definitely agree, and have done for ages now. This is my opportunity to make things right, and I really, really want to do it.
After we got off the phone and I cried for a bit, I decided to push myself - to go and arrange things to do over the days ahead - keep myself occupied with fun, simple things, surround myself with friends, so I can enjoy the time I'm away from Mike and learn I can be happy without him. I arranged to have a driving lesson on Friday - I need to get focussed and learn to drive. Not only will that help my confidence, but I can only begin to imagine the independence I will feel being able to do that.
Then I called my friends.I rang Mand first, and her mother picked up. She asked me how I was feeling... ...Mand had told her I'd just broken up with my boyfriend. She was really kind to me and it made me want to cry, how nice she was being. Her words really comforted me - other people's mums are so cool. ;_;
I spoke to Mand, and it looks like I've got a day next week sorted out meeting her for coffee and a spot of window shopping, so that sounds like a lot of fun. Plus we get to do lots of bitching - she's really good at that, and so am I.
Hopefully, I should be seeing Chez next week, too - she's said she'll try and make it to my place for a couple of days so we can do cool stuff together, like watch movies, make costumes, have a picnic, and go to the gym! I'm really looking forward to that - it's been ages since I've seen her and I miss her. *sob* Mike tried to hug me when we were breaking up and I ended up blurting out, "Waaaahhh! I miss Cheeeezzzz!" which I think put him out a bit. >_>; Whoops. What can I say? She's so much more awesome.
Finally, I spoke to Chloe - god, her and I, we have SO much catching up to do! I've missed her a lot, actually; I had forgotten how great it was hanging out with her and chatting about god-knows-what for hours on end. I love friends who talk too much - just like me.
We're going to go out tomorrow night - YAY! I'm going to her place tomorrow, early evening-ish, to get ready with her. Then we're going to go get dinner somewhere together, and after that she's dragging me into Yates for drinks. It sounds like it's going to be a lot of fun! I am a little scared about going out at night, though, so I do hope nothing bad happens. The last thing I need is something to put me off ever going on a girls' night out with my mates ever again. >.<; And who knows... ...perhaps I'll end up meeting someone else.
But a part of me doesn't want to give up on what I had before... *headdesk* It's so confusing and upsetting, and I hate thinking about it.Oh, you know that eBay girl I was telling you about yesterday? Well, after reporting the incident to eBay, I finally got a reply! Apparently, her husband bid on the DVDs for her, and they're trying to sort out the payment now. I only hope they will be able to use PayPal, though, because I don't want to accept any other form of payment.
Asides from my personal life, the website seems to be coming along very well - at the moment, anyway.
irene helped me with the rest of the poop needed for running enthusiast 3, so now my fanlistings database is finally up and running - you can click on it in the sidebar (to your left-hand side), or under the "EXITS" menu, but I don't really like the layout of it at the moment and am planning to do some nicer design work on it shortly - so, please, bear with me! I also need to join some more fanlistings. At the moment, the only ones that show are Reenies' own. Not that that's a bad thing, she's all kinds of groovy! 
Sorry for the length of this blog entry - I know they've been very long lately, but I've just had a lot to say. Thanks for taking the time to read them, it's muchly appreciated! <3
Owww... my head... I think I'm gonna make a move off to bed soon, I feel too "BLAH" to do anything...
| Update by Sali @ 01:25, Wed. July 5 2006 |
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