lol, pessimism
Alphabeat - Fascination-- Jules Renard
Updated qbee quilt General poking about
Thank you to all of the kind and thoughtful individuals who commented on the previous journal entry, praising my friend Tasha's courage for giving birth to a beautiful baby girl and getting married at nineteen. [Please note: for privacy reasons, part of this blog entry has been removed.] I think she's a real star and a remarkable woman.
Some may consider her actions reckless for someone so young, but I think she knows just what she's doing. And your responses were all very glowing, which was encouraging. I think the subject of marriage and childbirth for a younger person is one a lot of people are quick to make assumptions about, so it is very reassuring to see that you guys could look at it from her perspective and give her warm congratulations and best wishes with her future. Some of the commenters were even mothers, wives and mothers-to-be themselves, whose opinions I valued greatly as it offered more of an insight into the issue. Thank you once again for being able to see the good in my friend's life. I am sure if she were to see the things you wrote of her, she'd be really happy.
For those of you who're interested, here's a photo of Anna, Tasha's new daughter. I had the pleasure of meeting them both on Tuesday afternoon and got to hold Anna - she is tiny at only seven pounds (she's about three weeks old now) and is a little angel to be sure!
In case you're wondering about the incubator, Anna had a blood infection at birth and Tasha lost a lot of blood herself, and both of them required transfusions. Thankfully, though, both girls are absolutely fine now - but now dad is shattered!
Anyway, let's talk more about me.
I am getting pretty apprehensive about my exams, which are coming up next month. Eek! I had to fill in a form to put on the front of my English Language coursework so the examiners would know my details and stuff before marking it - normal procedure, nothin' concerning. Unfortunately, flicking through my essay one more time before giving it to my form tutor to pass to my English Language teacher, Cathy, I noticed that she had already written some comments on my work - and most of them were not particularly favourable. In fact, I got the impression that Cathy, who's never liked me (the feeling's mutual, trust me) has deliberately written over-critical remarks on my work to persuade the examiner to give me a failing grade. 
I understand that my work isn't perfect and I rushed it quite a lot so it is probably full of mistakes, but still her critique struck me as being a little too harsh. I'm emailing her about it, because I am a bit worried that I am going to fail English Language because she hasn't written nice things on my work. It isn't exactly encouraging the examiner to say it's a great essay!She's said stuff like, "This is essentially an AS Level essay with a higher word count," and "The student has made attempts to analyse the material but has selected simplistic subjects for analysis" implying I'm some kind of retard or something. She knows I'm an A-grade student, so why's she written this stuff? It's far from a positive portrayal of my aptitude as a student, from my point of view. Let's hope the examiner feels differently to how Cathy apparently does!
Giving a look through the comments she'd left on my work really made me think about the current outlook in my exams. I know that if I'd worked hard throughout the year, I'd do amazingly. But the thing is, due to numerous issues (some beyond my control, others, admittedly, well within it) I haven't worked hard. In fact, I've been a pretty lousy student throughout the third year. I'm really scared that my idleness will ruin my future prospects. I am trying to hard to motivate myself, but sometimes I just can't be arsed to even get up in the morning, because it just doesn't seem worth it, y'know? No matter how rationally I go over what will happen if I don't get my act together, I never change. And it's been like this since the first year.
I managed to blag grades ABB in the AS Level exams. But these are A2's, and A2's are considerably harder. I don't think you can wheedle your way into a good grade like you could last year. And the truth is, I feel fucking screwed right now. The sad thing is that I can't even feel properly sorry for myself, because a great deal of it's my own fault!
Frustrating, much?
| Update by Sarah @ 03:16, Sat. April 19 2008 |
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